I was innocently surfing around and I found all these pictures of naked women:

Oksana Makar, femen activist

Okay, she’s not naked, but that’s okay because other women in that slideshow are, and some of them are not bad-looking at all. They get naked at international street protests, trying to draw media attention to issues that matter. Which, as far as I’m concerned, is worth a try. If the naked women fail, we’ll attack with snipers. And if that doesn’t work, naked snipers.

Anyway, you’re probably wondering why I posted that picture when there was a whole slideshow of mostly spank-bankable babes being mistreated by cops. (By the way, Istanbul? Shit. That chick’s balls are bigger than mine.) No, but seriously, why is the Seventh Duke of Uke crazy about this particular too-skinny foreign slut? Here’s why:

Femen activist Oksana Shachko is a professional icon painter and lives in a run-down studio apartment in Kiev with greenish mold on the ceiling.

Wow, a professional icon painter! That’s so cool! No, really, what is that? Because if you have mold on your ceiling I sense we could really get along. My place has dust and spiders, baby…you like spiders? Yeah? Speak English?

Is there any such thing as a Dental Enema?  Because if there is, I’ll take half a dozen. It beats learning CSS, that’s for sure. I swore I would never learn CSS, and look at me now, man:

Check out that dork-ass watch. What a dweeb.

It took me like six tries to get that picture to load the way I want it. It was all sideways and shit. Thankfully, after a hard day of coding, I can relax in the hot tub with a couple of chicks:

You can tell he's a pimp because of the hat.